YAY New Cycle started

OK well i'm back on the pill after being messed around with what is actually going to happen from going on provera to just totally missing a bleed all toghether, so yep no big bleed between these cycles all test came back BFN bloods to and my progesterone was really low so i was either going to get a bleed in the day following the blood tests or i hadnt ovulated which it looks like i havent ov so DR Jim decided to just put me straight back on the pill and yeh now i just gotta go thru the waiting and well wait for my next stage.. ahh the lovely syranel iiiICkkk

Waiting..

Ok its been awhile since entrys but heres me up until now.. Well AF did not arrive as i last stated it was mearly spotting, which then continued on days 9 &10 after stopping the injetions, I have been all over the place lately thinking that i could of gotten preg naturally but i rang the clinic yesterday and they told me that they doubt i had any mature follicles there as the 20mm one was the one that grew into the cyst or something i wasnt reall listening after that, i was also told if AF doesnt come this week then i should ring the clinic and they will intervene and hopefully bring it on for me, if i dont get a bfp that is of course, mike said to mwe earlier he had a dream that i am preg now and i have to go and buy a preg test that has blue lines as he beleivs they hold the key haha what a dork, it was quite sweet really so i will humor him and go find one that has blue lines instead of the pink ones like i already have here.. anyone know a brand that has blue?? ok i'm off x0x

Day 61

Ok well i rang the clinic as i hadnt heard from them, I am to start down regulation for our second cycle on saturday so that means yep.. back on the pill for a month then all over again.. yeh more headaches, pains and weight gain.. and the depression i'm trying to be strong but everything is just getting to me, i feel numb..however on a brighter note i got myself a new job, just working in a busy cafe, I started monday and i'm really enjoying it, have my second shift tommorrow :)

Umm

Ok so 4 days after having my cycle cancelled i get AF.. i dont fuckin get it, i'm meant to have 2 weeks.. the egg was meant to be released as per normal like a normal cycle.. well wtf is going on! i rang the clinic yesterday when it started and she is getting back to me as to what to do next!! She said it was strange and shouldnt be happening but everyone is different.. so i'm just waiting waiting waiting..

Day 56

I just got home from the city and it turns out my 6 follicles have not even grown a single mm.. the only thing that has grown is a 6-7cm cyst on my left ovary so my most dreaded thought has happened.. they have cancelled my cycle, so i am waiting for the clinic to call me to tell me what to do next, when i was having the scan the lady said my endometrium was a good size but then started shaking her head as she was measuring the follicles, and goes to me well its not good news, they havent grown at all, so i said ok so more injections then and she said most likely they will cancel my cycle.. shattered my heart dropped and she goes right i'll write this up for you and that was it i was given the gesture to leave so i walked outta there got my paperwork went to the clinic and the nurse was nice enough just told me they have to double check with Dr Tsaltas with by the looks of this the cycle is over, i havent had my injection yet just my nose spray as instructed..and here we go waiting again.. she said they will call me before 12.. the ultrasound lady was worried about the cyst because of its size, my endo is also everywhere so the gonal basically just fed my endo and the cyst nothing left for the folicles i spose.. i've already got the oh well next cycle then, dont worry it will happen.. all the things u dont wanna hear and i'm just over this whole thing, i dont think i will go back n start a new cycle straight away, might have a few months off n try n loose some weight n see how that goes, with my endo everytwhere i doubt i will conceive naturally so yeh i will just put it in the back of my mind ( yeh right who ami kidding) n try to get on with it..

Day 54

Well i hd my scan today and yep i was right.. 4 follicles on the left (20,11,10,9) and 2 on the right (9,7) only 1 big enough so they are uping my gonal from 150 to 187.5 for the next 2 days and re-scan on day 56... fingers crossed they get bigger

Day 53

well i've been having a real shit time with these injections, the needle themselves is ok, its the side effects i get.. my lower back is constantly hurting.. i though i had pulled it or something but i spoke to my nurse this morning and no she said it would be my endo and the fact that my ovaries will be mega swollen..hence the reason i now look 5 months pregnant and have gained over a kilo of fluid.. mmm nice hey, beside that i get massive headaches that last for hours, i have found that a heatpack from the chemist..the ones u stick to your clothes, cost me $3 each and there worth every cent they have been working and helping a bit with the lower back pain, i also get shooting pains that come n go thru the day more so on my left side so i'm guessin there is more follicles on that side, trying to get comfortable is a nightmare i toss n turn and cant sleep properly, i'm just really over it, my scan is tomorrow morning in the city and mike can now take me as he has no work on..which sems to be a common occurence, hes only doing 3 out of 5 days now.. ot a good time to slow down with work, its that time of year though, but it would be nice if he didt wanna sit on his ass and play pc games...he could help out around the house or he could be cutting down the front tree like i asked him to do 3 months ago.. or whipper snipping the back lawn..(it growns in tufts lol not worth mowing) ahhh the joys of hormones i'm fine one second and then pissed off and angry the next.. i cant win, mikes trying to be supportive he just dont get it, he doesnt yell at me when i chuck a pink fit just looks at me and i realise how silly i'm being which is good that i can at least recognise my hormonal issues lol anyway my back is hurting and i have to go get some more heat packs so cheerio for now x0x

Day 46-48

Ok so i forgot to blog on here lol..
Day 46: i had my scan at 10am everything was nice and quiet and my endo it seems was barely there!! yay!! So i Jo ( my nurse) gave me my first injection and sent me on my way with my box of goodies.. i got 2 gonal pens and a sharps box and the crenone for after the transfer and also the hcg trigger shot for when my eggies are ready to be harvested..
Day 47: i got up and got my needle pen.. i put the needle on the end .. rubbed my leg witht he alcohol swab ready to have the injection.. grabbed my leg ready to stick it in hesitated then thought to myself stop bein a baby and jabbed it in lol.. that day i got a really bad headspin when i stood up from getting the washing out of the dryer..
Day 48: Had my needle this morning and my nose spray.. oh yeh i have to have my nose spray right up until the OPU.. i've been gettin cramps on my right side today and feeling a little bit off.. I went for "chockie" with Jo this morning at Max Brenner i love our chats keeps us both sane i think!! sop now i'm home n just bummin around and yeh off i go x0x

Day 42

well i just finished watching the tears and hope video Jo posted.. am sitting here in tears and i'm just so physically upset by it.. u know how u just feel like a lead weight and then u loose everything in you and just bawl ur eyes out.. well thats me right now

I"ve been havina crap time over the last week with the spray i am getting the worst hot flushes my face is on fire and i have low cramping like af pain its nothign to be concerned about but i dunnno i just feel like i have only a few more days and i'm on injections but its just taking to long i'm sick of waiting waiting and more fucking waiting my aunty told me to be patient earlier and i told her i'm really sick of hearing that she apologised straight away but the damage was doen then i watched that movie and thats it i'm done for the night i'm ready to curl up and go to bed..

another thing which is really bothering me is the lack of "BD" its seems that since we dont have to have sex and more we no longer are.. the last 2 times i have had to initiate everything.. i even put sexy lingereie and i showed him and his responce was "yeh so what i've seen it before.." nothing happened that night so i eventually just jumped him monday night before that it was 2 weeks.. going from bd every single day or second day to this drought has annoyed me.. not coz im a hornbag and HAVE to have it or something but i'm just so darn use to it and now nothing... its just wierd wow ur probly gettin really bored of me complaining about my sex life lol oh and heads up girls if u ever have to have the spray..to put it ever so nicely you will be dryer then a nuns tit downstairs nothing will happen there lol so invest in some ky if ur hubby actually wants to come near you lol ok well now i'm babbling so i will sign off for today.. x0x.. p.s i havent proof read this so if its all over the place..sorry

Day 35

Ok so i'm going to swap my syranel over AGAIN today stupid frickin bottles there shit they wont deliver the right amount of spray i either get a little poof of it or a massive one!! ARGHHH
I rang the clinic and apparantly they have to change ur LMP to the day u start injections coz u need to have a 28 day cycle for medicare purposes.. bah bullshit they just wanna charge me the extra $$500.. so my 1700 cycle is now a 2450 cycle plus a 230 new patient admin fee... so its all good i have enough mooolah for it just annoying lol and i will only get about 1000 back from medicare.... hmmm this is just a really "dead" stage of like for me nothing is happening.. waiting waiting waiting
anyone reading this?? leave me a comment :)

Day 33

Mood: PISSED OFF


So she made plans to spend a few hours on sunday with me coz i've been sick and she wanted to see me ...we made these plans saturday night but no it came to 1.30 so i rang her to find out where she was... well she was at her brothers house packin shit into his garage..i'm told oops.. i said i have been waiting for you all day..to which she laughs and says no u havent..i said yeh i have and then she gives me the dont get shitty...well why would i... i'm just the fucken infertile pines rat who she wont come visit ..... the ones with kids she drops the earth for....well she drops me for them too... no i dont deserve her attention or time...i dont rely on her for help so therefore i can look after myself..why would i possibly need my mum in my hardest time in my life.. she has no fuckin clue...doesnt even ring up to see how i am... doesnt ask about ivf..like i'm a failure as a daughter coz i cant give her grandkids..so i dont deserve to be called or anything..hmmm... sore point.. yeh just a little...and when i say something i'm told to grow up...and stop being stupid...over it.. i give up why should i aways have to ring her and visit her

Day 29..Again

Ok so i thought to myself well i may as well take my mind of things so i started painting my bathroom.. yess AGAIn i know i know i cant help it lol i really love painting my house yes i'm a wierdo and as i was just standing up on the side of the bathtub what readred her head.. well it was no other then AF! So yay lucky us we beat the price rise!! woot woot!!

Day 29

OK so i was concerned about my syranel.. it wasnt pumping right, like only half the time it would actually pump the full amount of spray out so i rang the clinic, and straight away Jo ( my nurse) said to swap it over at the chemist, so hopefully now that i have swapped it it will work properly, but the chemist warned me it was from the same batch but hopefully wont have the same issues, my nose bleeds have stopped!! yay i only get the occasional small hint of blood if i blow my nose, another good thing is i am booked in for my first scan on the 16th at 10am :) then the day after that i will start injections provided everything is quiet and then another scan a week after that n then fingers crossed go on for my egg pick up!! yay it feels like there is something happening again :)
oh also she was surprised that i havent had a bleed yet as i stopped the pill on tuesday but i do have lower back cramps so fingers crossed i will beat the 1st of july so i dont get the price rise!!

Day 21

Well its been a long time since updates.. I was made redundant from my job so i've been trying to get my head around that and sort out what i'm doin in life as such and its been a bit of a shock like i dont think it has as sunk in still, i feel like i'm on holidays but i know i have no job to go back to..wierd..anyway .. I started syranel on day 18... since then i have had headaches and nose bleeds, i rang the clinic to find out what should i do about the nose bleeds..she pointed out the obvious..change nostrils lol so i have and so far so good, i also start to feel sick nightly around 5ish onwards and just wanna sleep but i cant.. i have my second "hit" of syranel at 9pm and afterwards i'm wide awake, plus i've got a slight cold/flu coming on so last night i took a night time cold and flu tablet and it knocked me out! thank god i got some sleep!! so i've been feelin prety alright today just really gotta do what i can and just take it day by day really.. i'm really bored at home, yet i dont want to go out, i think this is like some sort of depression, i dont wanna do anything, see anyone or even talk about ivf anymore, its just becoming too much, i'm not on the net as much as i use to and i cant be bothered doin anything, i have cleaned my house so that there is nothing left to do, i plan on painting the back rooms next week, but i have no pressure or time frame to do it in, i work best under pressure and now there is none.. i dont get it..maybe i'm not coping with this all.. bah anyway i'm off

Day 12

Mood: wierd..

Sorry for the delay between days girls..

I've been slack i know.. lol well nothing much is happening on the ivf front just a big fat waiting game i hate it its driving me nutters i dont see why i couldn't just not take the pill grrRr other girls never had too.. oh well tough shit hey.. well I've had a good long weekend had my Aunty's birthday on Saturday night was a great night even hubby had a ball with my cousins, thankfully were all in the same age bracket, my little sister has decided to split with her man, they have decided they dont love each other anymore and are both being very grown up about the whole thing, this is gonna sound horrible but thankfully she is not pregnant again, i think the 3 mc's had alot to do with there bust up but it was a long time coming at the same time.. like it was the icing on the cake with his lack of support, always wanting to go out with his mats etc anyway on a more positive note its mine and mikes 1st wedding anniversary this weekend.. i know he has nothing planned so what should i either

A; guilt him into doing something
or
B: organise it myself and not be disappointed at doing nothing but be pissed off that i had to organise it coz hes lazy.... hmmmm

decisions decisions

Day 7

Morning everyone..
I have just got back to work from my appointment this morning, went really well she showed me how to do the needles etc and went thru in great detail the different drugs like syranel and side effects etc that i can expect from them such as breast tenderness, moodyness, bloating etc all the same things u get when u ur expecting af but heightened so god help michael hey!! i start the syranel on the 18/6 and take my last pill on the 8/7 i will be on syranel for a full 4 weeks and then start the injections provided the ultrasound i have on the 8/7 shows to be ok, will have the injections for 7 days and then another u/s hopefully if that u/so comes back all good i will have the hcg shot and then collection 2 days later then the eggs put back 2 days after that :)
so it wont be until end of july start of august that the eggs will be put back so there goes the March twins idea..

Day 6

i know its only early but today has started off really really shitty.. i get a text from mike this morning and he wants me to ring him with his invoice details coz he left them at home grrr that was at 7.15am grRr i have a sore throat and not in the mood for really anything.. remembered to take my pill n folic acid then went back to bed for a hour.. hmm well i turned on my electric blanket didnt i.. so i fell asleep the alarm went off and i thought i'll get up in a minute.. zzzz yeh right i woke back up at 9.10!! i had to be at work at 9.30.. SHIT!!! dressed the quickest i ever have and was 5 minutes from work and i get stuck on the freeway and springvale road grrrr so i end up gettin to work at 9.40 not to bad only 10 m inutes late i thought yeh this isnt to bad.. straight away get a nasty customer and i think to myself oh for f*c* sake! hmm so it is now 10.53 i have low cramps and i'm owrried about tommorrows appointment i know i shouldnt be worried but its sittin in the back of my mind and wont go away.. hmm well i will probaly update this blog later in the day.. i am really enjoying this blog site its helping me coz i can just write what i want i feel calmer after gettin it all ouot yay whooo sahhhh

ok so i rang the nurse.. funnily enough her name is Jo.. everyone lately i'm meeting is called Jo.. lol yes ur included in that too Jo how many times can i say JO.. blah anyway back to topic i rang her to find out if i need to bring any cash with me tomorrow or anything else like what i dont know but i thought i should just ask and she said nope just myself.. my cramping is getting worse it must be the pill or something.. i'm gonna have a look at the side effects.. oh and girls you can leave comments on here too if u like...i took the security off so now anyone can leave comments not just registered users :) :0)

Day 5

mood: excited..

Ok so its day 5 and i'm back on the BC pill... how wierd...
i have put the packet next to my bed along with my folic acid so i dont forget in the morning!! lets see how i go.. i did it for the last 5 years or so with out any problems so i spose i should remember it now..well i have to take it i cant forget it will muck everything up.. i'm all excited with everything that will be happening in the next couple of week but scared as well theres alot happening!! its really quite overwhelming ok well i have my first appointment with the nurse on thursday morning, she will teach me how to do the injections etc and whatever else they need to show me.. cant wait x0x0x