Words of Wisdom

Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned- Tyler. 

Poirific :)

Hmmm well I have deciedd to come back and blog... it shall be my saturday wrap up of the week, so stay tuned if the mood so takes you... so ah yeh here goes...

Well this week started as one fuck up after the next! After having the days from hell this week, which involved me travelling to and from hospital (which is 30 min away) every night to see one of my best friends little boy who has been very very ill, were talking ICU for over a week, comas the lot, the emotional drain from that has just been immense on me, I cant even imagine how my friend has been feeling,  On monday I was reminded about having surgery scheduled for next friday.. eeeep.. So i worked monday, tuesday and just plodded along working, kids, hospital... so tired... wednesday i cant rememebr what happened.. must of been uneventful! So i was off to my waxing appointment on thursday, and ouch.. i missed my last one so this one hurt like freakin hell.. blah after that was my ultrasound to confirm exactly what was happening.. well to cut a long story short, my ovary's are awol... the amount of scar tissue and adhesions in there have sent my left ovary somewhere up behind my bowel.. apparently... they couldn't actually see it at all... :( and my right one whilst visible was a complete mess... so def need the surgery to cut all my organs away from each other and put them back in the right position so I can get on with a normal eh hem sex life and well basically live without daily pain and cramping, seeing as my endo has gotten so bad and we are not in any hurry for another babe, I have decided to  have the Mirena IUD inserted... yep permanent birth control... i never in a million years would of thought I would be in this position... but it is not going in for that reason,  but to shut down my reproductive system to stop the endo from growing and consuming my pelvis! no cycle = no hormone fluctuation = no endo growth... this will be my 8th surgery for my endo... teamed up with 2 egg pickup and 2 ceasers.. blah im a walking mess hmmm its my 10th general... Im really hoping to hell that it doesn't have any lasting effects on my brain or something... surely 10 generals in 7 years cant be a good for a person :/ So after this all happened I was off to the local shopping center to do some retail therapy, only to loose my freakin car key!! I went from shop to shop, crawled on my hands and knees looking under shelves, ailes and everything else i could look under on top or between... well I couldnt find it anywhere... so i toddled off to center management to advise them of my lose if by chance somebody found it.. called my mother in law who had to come and break into my house and get my spare car key, well she did that and do you think she could find it?? of course not, so im stuck up the hub with Logan in his pram crackin it coz he has had enough, Marlie was due to be collected from creche and there was no way to go get her as my car seats of course are in my car... so my mil was lookin everywhere through out my house searching for the key and finally she found it!! phew! so she came to my rescue!
Friday started out very blah, drained emotionally and physically I was just in a hmmmmpf mood so just let the babes run amok in the house doin whatever they wanted while i supervised from my laptop.. yep shit mum day, dont worry i did feed and water them ;) - so i played wow for a few hours, logan had a big sleep and marlie was doin her own thing watchin tv and drawing and well wahtever else she wanted too.. mike got home from work and then i was off to work myself! I was bored at work, its been very quiet, i stuffed up the till whilst trying to shut it down, so i got some help with that then once that was all done i had to go get my bag from my locker... get back and no one was there... they had all left!! errmmmm.... did we forget about somebody guys?!! So i had to walk around till i found someone on nightfill to let me out! So now I was running late to twirling! I had been so looking forward to it as we were finally gifting our lozzy her birthday pressie! a beautiful pair of fire twirling lotus fans!! SO I finally got there... we gave her the fans and well She loooooved them! the look on her face said it all ;) (pic thanks to Ben)

Lozzy & Indi

After her pressie was done, It was time for some twirling, Some of these are my photos I took and the rest, I have borrowed off our circles FB page which you can find here :)

meeee... in ghost form ;)

my ninja sticks :)

3 fire twirlers and me ;)

boys :D

I love twirling, We also have a group of African drummers that come along and drum while we twirl, the feeling of being there is magical, its such a beautiful community and one I am so grateful to be part of. It was the perfect de-stress for me just being surrounded by positive happy people with a common interest does wonders for the soul ;)

anyone here?

seriously is anyone interested in reading or should I just can this altogether? I know I haven't posted for a long time, from someone who use to blog allll the darn time to nothing... hmmmpff.. had brain fart for 12 months lol - so yeh leave me a comment if u want me to pick this ole thing back up.

**undergoing some renos here... new banner etc coming... plain and boring for now**

I need to Minimise

I need to minimise...

• minimise my clutter..
• minimise my Sewing stuff
• minimise my kids toys
• minimise my collection of "tupperware"
• minimise his desk
• minimise my obsession with materialistic bullshit
• minimise my want to minimise me 
• minimise my thought patterns that "its ok"... its not.

Song of the day

Well Sometimes I Go Out, By Myself, And I Look Across The Water.

And I Think Of All The Things, Of What You're Doing, And in my head I Paint A Picture.

Since I've Come Home, Well My Body's Been A Mess, And I Miss Your ginger Hair, And The Way You Like To Dress.

Oh Wont You Come On Over, Stop Making A Fool Out Of Me, Why Dont You Come On Over, Valerie.

Valerie
Valerie
Valerie

Did You Have To Go To Jail, Put Your House Out Up For Sale, Did You Get A Good Lawyer.

I Hope You Didnt Catch A Tan, I Hope You Find The Right Man, Who'll Fix It For You.

Are You Shopping Anywhere, Change The Color Of Your Hair, And Are You Busy.

Did You Have To Pay That Fine, That You Were Dodging All The Time, Are You Still Dizzy.

Well Since I Come Home, Well My Body's Been A Mess, And I Miss Your Tender Hair, And The Way You Like To Dress.

Oh Wont You Come On Over, Stop Making A Fool Out Of Me, Oh Why Dont You Come On Over, Valerie.

Valerie
Valerie
Valerie

Well Sometimes I Go Out, By Myself, And I Look Across The Water.

And I Think Of All The Things, What You're Doing, And In My Head I Paint A Picture.

Since I've Come Home, Well My Body's Been A Mess, And I Miss Your Tender Hair, And The Way You Like To Dress.

Valerie
Valerie
Valerie
Valerie
Valerie
Valerie
Valerie
Valerie

Why Don't You Come On Over Valerie...

Logans 1st Birthday

im baaaaaack

stay tuned...

Im Moooooooving

Yup stay tuned.. im making a new blog....  now to think of a snappy title.. crazy world of ebz just isnt snappy eno ugh.. ideas anyone?

What are you teaching???

Ive been watching others lately... and i just dont get it.. and well even I myself have been very guilty of this!!

Remember with your children.. Actions speak way louder than words. If you want your kid to have manners, start with the woman in the mirror. Unless you are polite to the people you meet on the street, why should your child be any different? If you say please, thank you, excuse me, etc. kids will copy... Simple as that. Oh, and while you’re at it, teach your kid to respect every human in the same way. If you are respectful, they will be too. If you are nasty to your parents, grandparents, employers, random people on the street, etc. what are you teaching??? 

ooo

I have applied for a online job! Managaing the social network side of a pretty big fabric seller on facebook! I applied yesterday and they emailed me right back saying they are interested in my application and wanted more info on me so fingers crossed I get it! I think my "you can pay me in fabric" was a huge bonus as i know over 50 people were interested in the job - some of you probly would of seen it advertised! Its only 2 or so hours a day so fingers crossed everyone!!

Mumma eBz gets her sew on!

There something about the cold weather that makes me haul out the ole sewing machine and want to put the kids to bed and get into it!

sooo nap time came around and I did exactly that.. I put down the laptop... sorry fb fans but an hour or 2 with BOTH in bed.. crafty bliss! 

so what was on the menu for my crafty winter warmer.... a octopus... yes something that screams summer and water fun haha... I can dream right? 

I have had part of a moda safari jelly roll that has been sitting here for aaages that I originally was going to use to put into a quilt that I was going to make for Logan... stay tuned I will make it... eventually ;) but looking at the shades of red, green, blue, yellow and orange I figured it would be a great color choice for my little bear! 

As I started to piece together the different fabrics from the jelly roll to make his body/head I was very happy with my choice, they just matched up perfectly to what I was trying to do, so after cutting and sewing the pieces to create the head i turned it round the right way to reveal what i hoped would look great.. only to find i had cut it the wrong way round as I wanted the red around the bottom and the stripes on top haha teach me for being distracted by FB whilst sewing.. never mind though it still looked fine the way i had cut it :D As I got to work with tracing sewing and cutting the legs, whilst sewing the last one up a "im not sleepy anymore" 2 yr old emerged from her room and she was quite happy to sit and watch her mumma create this in her words "jelly shishy" but alas as she helped me out.. it was now hers! 

The legs were easy enough to turn but with a 2 yr old now trying help more photos werent taken of the stages as it came to life.. note to self sew when kids are BOTH in bed haha much easier... as i stuffed the head and legs i ended up with stuffing all over the house as Marlie was helping me lol so this is the next photo I was able to take... almost finished, It was at this point she took off with it and wouldnt give it back without protest so his face had to be done later and well it still isnt finished

I had images of bells on his tentacles, pin wheels on and around his head to create a barnacle look.. a proper mouth...not the dodgy hand sewn mouth... with cotton at that!! lol need to go and get some emboridery thread! much more needs to be done to him for him to be picture perfect but hey the kids love him the way he is so I dont think I will bother! 

The smile from Marlie and the giant hugs she gives him, makes him perfect just the way he is! 

Stay Tuned fro the next octopus... must have 1 each as they are now fighting over it haha!

May the 4th be with you

My Babies are just growing to quick!! 

hahaha about to fall :P

hes so clever

My Mr Perfect

failed photo if us 3 

poor eden lol 

spunky

haha

miss gorgeous

xx my heart xx

Its been a month

and what has happened this month?
not alot... but oh so much at the same time
My babys are growing up so quickly, Logan cut his first 2 teeth this morning! his bottom ones are thru the skin and u can see and feel them! easter saturday...  marlie cut her first 2 at easter too... seems to be a tradition in our family hehe, sure Logan is a month older then she was but hey sacrifices must be made for tradition right ;)
I am at around 65.5kilos now... do i feel good... not really.. i still see fat ebby... my demons are one that are just to strong for me to battle right now im too tired so meh.
Marlie has turned into monster, seriously she will be 3 in october and god it better get better soon, her temper is unbelievable if she goes into melt down she goes into MELTDOWN and nothin we can do will help the situation she just screams and screams and hides in corners doing so, she did this for over a hour the other day, it was the worst one yet, she wouldnt of even remembered why she was carrying on she just got so worked up and just wanted me to hold her, so i held her, she cried screamed, kicked and carried on but if i put her down she would come back for another cuddle, it was nothing i had ever witnessed before and something i was not prepared for, she is normally such a beautiful loving child, strong willed yes, stubborn yes but manageable, as ive said i just wasnt prepared for these outbursts, but anyway...rambling on

Its at this time of year, well this and Christmas.. actually any religious holidays...  that i question my faith, do i have any? no.. i lost my faith when my father died so the answer is no.. am i jealous of those that have it still? yes a little, i would love to belong to a community where i felt safe and everyone was warm and welcoming.. the idea of it sounds fantastic, i grew up in church groups and use to do all the youth activity's and enjoyed every minute of it, faith is not something i can see myself finding again, my husband for one is a firm non believer and laughs at the very thought of going to church and i get told to get fucked and that he wont be sucked into there bullshit... everything is bullshit though, it doesnt matter what you believe at the end of the day no one really knows the truth blah blah blah

my little business venture is a bit of a flop, i need to get tot he markets but its proving to be harder then i first anticipated.. mike works most saturdays and thats when the markets are on... my mum has moved out bush so she cant look after my kids, my sisters have there own kids, my mother in law does the markets already with her beanie bears... sigh i guess its just something that ill keep doing on fb with the odd order here and there.

ok i will try n blog more if i have the time... as is it here my house is a fucking bomb zone and i hate it being like this... ugh time to clean!

My Business

Oh yeh Im pluggin it here :D

www.facebook.com/mummaebz

Come past and like me now haha

I make dummy tails, taggy blankets, blanket clips & the most awesome bandana bibs :D

2000 - 2010

Ok so im jumping on the decade blog idea.

-2000-
I was in year 11 at school, Me & Mike had been together for a year already, it was a hard year for me, I was over coming my battle with bulimia and didnt want to finish school, I was working 3 jobs, Hungry Jacks, Ritchies & waitressing at a chinese restaurant, school was the last thing I cared about, I was on the committee for the debutant ball and i spent most of my energy helping with that and going to the lessons to learn all the dances!

-2001-
I was still at school, I was only there because i wanted to be the first grandchild to complete my VCE, my older sister and cousin had both dropped out and I was a very insecure person and felt i needed that praise, The kick up the arse from my now inlaws also helped me to stay, they said i would regret it in the future if i dropped out.. dont know if i would of regretted it as it got me no where lol anyway.. I was spending all my time at Mikes house and barely ever went home, me and my mother were not getting along, my sisters boyfriend and her were living with mum and there was always an argument between me and her other half and my mum always took his side.. so i wanted out, i was only working 2 jobs by this stage - ritchies and waitressing, i only did 4 subjects in year 12, english, english lit, history & textiles, i had wednesdays off school completely so worked a full day at the supermarket which suited me just fine! I finished year 12 with a enter of 45.7 lol! hardly worth doing but i did it!!

-2002-
With school finished i didnt know what to do with myself, i had no ambitions to keep studying so went looking for work instead.. I ended up working with my mum in an aged care center, it wasnt glamourous work but i loved doing it, i worked in the kitchen for 2 days and down in one of thelodges for the other 3 or 4, it was great spending time with the elderly, but it mad me immune to death, i was afraid for so many years of people dying after my dad passed away when i was just 10 years old  and i was on school camp.. man thats a blog all of its own.. back to 2002.. so after loosing many of my dear friends, death become just part of the daily grind, it was rock into work in the morning to find another one of my resi's had passed on, 2 deaths that will stay with me forever - old Eric, I had just served up his soup for dinner, he thanked me and then had a heart attack and died right there at the table in his soup bowl and Mick, he was a large man, walking down the hallway and he just dropped, the ambos cracked his chest right there on the floor, My time in the dementia ward i loved, they were just like children, so full of exuberance and just as moody :) My time at the nursung home ended rather abruptly, and i was used by the GM to clear out my boss, after a rather nasty altercation with my boss and a few other staff members i was encouraged to put in a bullying & harrasment complaint.. so being the nieve 19 yr old i did what i was told... well that had a snowball effect, my boss was fired.. then we were all made redundant and they bought in an external contractor to do our jobs, some of us were offered new jobs others took the redundancy.. i took the redundancy... i was a pawn.. talk about used.

-2003-
After getting my pay out from the aged care home, i got a job waitiressing at the new la porchetta that opened up.. i lasted 3 months there and hated every minute of it.. i applied for a job at a major electronics company... well i rang the department boss as i ad a friend who worked in the warehouse... she said no at first.. but i think my phone calls every 3-4 days wore her down and i got a job! it was just a shit kicking box packing job.. all i did all day was unpack & repack dvd players lol! It was long boring and annoying work, i didnt like the people i worked with and my boss saw my potential so i only stayed in that department for 4 months, i moved onto the spare parts department.. picking & packin and maning the phones/reception. This was also the year me & mike got engaged.. it was a very romantic occassion... not lol pissed at the pub on the dance floor with a rose bought from some lady who use to walk around selling them! that was also the night my sister od' on drugs.. sorta took the fun out of the night :/ Mike later proposed to me at home with the love heart lollys and a ring, This year i also had my first of what was to be many many surgerys for my endometriosis, It was a rather nasty operation lasting over 3 hours where they removed a 7.5cm polyp from the top of my cervix and unstuck my tubes,bowels, bladder and cleared my pelvis... i was pain free for 6 months...

-2004-
I was still working my ass off at Pioneer, I was living at Mike's with his mum and dad and having the time of our lives, we partied every other night, we had partys on the weekends and we were just enjoying being young and care free, we had our cars, jobs and friends... that was all we cared for and needed, i had another 2 surgerys this year... things were getting nasty for me...

-2005-
Still at Pioneer but i moved around department from warehouse/tech support/spare parts and service, i was a floater... i had my hands in every department,  this was the year my gyno told me if i wanted kids i would have to start trying... well we tried... and tried.... and tried some more... nothing was working... this is when my life became all about babies... we were still partying it up... drinking too much and drowning my sorrows month after month of no babies... September... i fell pregnant - wasnt to be... bye bye little one.

-2006-

Still at Pioneer., I had moved departments again, I was now in technical support on the phones.. Still no baby, no more pregnancys at all... month after month... getting fatter and fatter.. more depressed and miserable then ever.. i had never wanted children till they told me i couldnt have them... i had 3 surgerys this year...my gyno put me on clomid... i over stimmed and ended up with a big nasty cyst which popped and was poisoning me from the inside... back to surgery i went!! This continued for the rest of the year....   ttc and constant surgerys are not a good mix... stress, drinking, shit year.. But one good thing happened.. Me and Mike got married in June, it was a winter wedding, we were wed on my dads birthday... still ttc....

-2007-

Finally after more surgery i demanded something more be done.. i was referred to the IVF clinic, my FS took one look at my history and we started the next cycle, I was still working at Pioneer... but that didnt last long, i was made redundant again!! I got an awesome payout as i was fulltime and had been there for over 4 years, I had taken alot of time off work due to surgerys and ivf appointments and the stress from my job wasnt helping anything at all so it was a blessing in disguise! I got made redundant the day i had my councelling appointment to start my very first cycle! i packed my shit up at work left there and went to the clinic! I met my wonderful nurse who would be there the whole time i was going thru ivf.. her name was Jo, she was awesome. IVF in 2007 was a flop.. i wasnt stimming so my cycle in June was cancelled.. we did another cycle in September, i got 4 perfect embryos, i had 1 put back... I got pregnant but again, it wasnt meant to be and my little one left us at 5 weeks. :( it broke out hearts, We had another one of our embryo's put back and it didnt work, i started bleeding early, my systems had all stuffed up and wasnt suprressed like it was meant to be... after this cycle we didnt have enough time to get another one in before the christmas break so we took that time to process what had happened.. you can read about all my ivf life in the 2007 blogs!
nat & jenjen if you are reading this read this post, i think you can relate to this one "well" - be warned its a tear jerker and it summed up exactly how i felt, and i know how you beautiful women are feeling now.
Oh and i was working part time in a cafe with my friend jess!

-2008-

Well this year was awesome, After my break from IVF we went back, I was lighter, i was clear minded and my sttitude had changed completely, i wasnt feeling angry and drawn down, i went into our FET with an open mind and open heart, We had our 3rd embryo transfered february 15th, And found out we were again pregnant, but this one was a keeper! i had an awesome pregnancy and relished every moment, i was the typical omg i love being pregnant person, things went a little shitty towards the end read about Marlies birth story here, we were blissed out and over the moon at arrival of our daughter on the 16/10/08 and even though i almost died i was ready to go thru it 10x over.

-2009-

Was just spent being a mumma! (refer to other blogs if you want more details.. lol ) I taught myself alot in PSP and enjoyed doing so.. We started IVF again in September to try for another babe, but i was told i was in early menopause after having 2 failed cycles on the top amount of drugs, i was advised to take a break again, so i did... we decided we would not be going back to IVF again, we just couldnt afford it and we were not having any luck what so ever, so i went and seen a psychologist and we talked about everything we had been thru and i accepted that our family was complete and Marlie would have the world, well i decided to go back on Vitex. i figured it couldnt hurt anything.. a $17 bottle of herbs.. magical little herbs.. they kicked my system back into gear and new years eve i felt the familiar pains of ovulation and then...

-2010-
SURPISE!! I was pregnant! naturally! no fertility drugs!!! so 2010 again was spent like 2008, pregnant! It was a different pregnancy, i wasnt prepared for it and i had just come to terms with just having one babe, i didnt enjoy this pregnancy like i loved marlies, i was running after her and well i guess it was a typical 2nd pregnancy, the sparkle of the first had worn off, i just wanted him out so i could get on with it all, Little dude arrived on 8/9/10 another ceaser, this time by choice after running the risks assosiated with vbac and my bp issues.

so thats it ina nutshell, i  know ive missed something im sure but im getting tired... lol

bahahaha

Sorry everone but i just had to share this one... what a freaking crack up!

Challenge..

Ok so here it is... my biggest challenge! 

I want you gone!!!

After 2 babys... I am 76 kilos... loose 10 more and i may get rid of this atrocity 

ewwwwwww

Time to go fat slab!!

 it could be worse but its just this deflated slab of fat that just hangs there, I am realistic, I will never have a flat stomach but UGH I dont want to look like this!! The stretch marks I dont give a shit about, my babys gave them to me.. and i guess they gave me this tummy too but yeh I dont want it!!

oopsy daisy!

well i officially suck at project 365... but i have a very good excuse... my laptop has been given a overhaul, full reformat and ive been working at getting everything back on here where it should be and downloading all the stuff i forgot to back up.. yeh clap clap idiot.. i just lost all my music and digital scrapping stuff and well i guess that has nothing to do with my picture taking abilitys huh.. hmmm ok so maybe i dont have a good excuse :P but ive been busy so leave me alone..
Miss M has a cold... Baby L is teething.. Daddy has bronchitis and well Mumma is just trying to hold it all together whilst comin down with a cold/flu/something myself! sigh! i reckon i need another couple of arms and a good nights sleep but neither is going to happen so i guess i should just get on with it huh.

testing

just a quick test post.

Day 3 & 4

January 3, 2011

My spunky boy Logan... check the drool oh yeh baby hahaha

January 4th 2011

Peekaboo Marlie!!!!

Project 365!

I forgot to mention this in my goals, I am partaking in this project now that i have an awesome camera... my goal is to do a scrap book out of them so will be doing alot of digital scrapping with a week to each page... this is gonna be a huge task for me and at the end  print each page off and have a full years worth of memorys and to continue doing this for the next few years, not only is it a great way of remembering to take the photos but no doubt it will be a record of how the kids change too!! So here is yesterdays photo

January 1st 2011

Marlie & Logan in the bath

 she is an excellent helper and loves to wash him and he laughs the whole time she does it

And now todays!

January 2nd 2011

Our brand new fishtank... fish yet to come once the water stabilizes 

Happy New Year!

Well it is the start of a new year! Welcome 2011 I cant wait to see what you have in store for us.
New years eve for us was spent at my youngest sister's house, the kids played for hours in the pool while us women folk sat around having a good ole chinwag and the boys congregated around the bbq with my step father being the know it all and bossing poor neil ( my sisters fiance) around and trying to take over HIS brand new bbq lol.. i really enjoyed yesterday afternoon, there was no stress the kids could run and have fun without the stress and worry that was experienced at my mums house on christmas day where the kids where being yelled at left right n center for touching this or that or well just being kids, i mentioned this fact to her yesterday and told her i wont be attending christmas anymore, its just too much and too hard with her in charge! So im thinking next year we will have christmas here and it will just be a casual bbq for who ever wants to come, i dont see the point in spending it with all the extended auntys and uncles, they are people i dont see all year and have no interest really in spending what is meant to be a special family day with them, its like having a table full of strangers at the table that u have to kiss and be nice too even though u cant stand them.. i know i know its one day rahdy rah rah but ugh no thanks!! wow went off the point of this blog there didnt i haha can ya tell i dont like christmas hence no christmas blog!

Melissa, Me, Caz & Mum ( 2 of my sisters)

After we took the kids home, I got them all settled into bed then I headed over to Loz's to see some of my bestest friends, I didnt stay long, I wanted to be home by midnight :) I got home at 11.30.. just in time for Logan to wake up and want a boob so it was well timed really lol

So what are my goals for this year..

• Loose the slab of flab i have hanging of the front of my tummy from having the kids, I will always have a little belly, im fine with that, never in my 27 years have i had a flat stomach and now with the ceaser scars and the hole pivot in my pubic line from the numerous surgerys it has made it impossible to even think i could one lol so its more a toning issue for me, I am 5'10 and weigh 73 kilos, i am within healthy weight range.. "Your BMI is 24 This is within the BMI range of 20 to 25 which experts generally consider to be healthy. " Sure I could probly loose another 5-10 kilos and that would be great, but as i said its more a toning issue for my tummy!
• Go on holiday's, We have not been on a holiday for years, The last time we and mike went on holiday was to QLD in 2005, we went for a week and we drove up there and stayed with his aunty. Obviously now that we have the 2 kids it will be a child friendly holiday so i will have to get planning and saving so it can be a nice one worth while going on, any ideas?
• Spend more time together going out as a family wether it be to the beach for a picnic or down the park for a play, everything in this house revolves around the computers & tv's and its shit, ive had enough there is more to life then this house... now to convince hubby of this! 
• We have a very slack dinner ethic in this house, you know how most people sit at the table and eat a meal together.. well we dont, mike sits at his computer desk, i sit on the couch and Marlie sits in her highchair in front of the TV... talk about bad habits!! So i would like to break them and have us all at the table, no tv on.. no computers just us 4. 
• Be a better wife, Mike works very hard to give us everything we want, sometimes i think i take that for granted a bit and I need to appreciate his efforts more.. i guess he makes it hard when he comes home and just wants to play games when ive had no one but children to talk to and i want some attention from him.. sigh 
• Be a better blogger!!

That is all i can think of for now... I'm sure I will see other peoples goals and think oh thats a good idea lol but for now they are my main ones :D soooo what are yours?

Marlie will turn omg 3 this year, she is already such the little grot lady and growing up so very fast, we are cutrrenty in the midst of toilet training, we have many naked days and she runs off and takes herself to the potty or big girls toilet when she feels the urge to go, we havent had a accident for 3 days now! Nappies still at night and when we leave the house, but naked or nickies when were home! So i think that is another goal to have her fully toilet trained this year.

Logan will turn 1, its gonna be a HUGE year for him with many milestones to reach and i cant wait for him to acheive each and every one of them, He's 16 weeks old now and not doing that much, but hes pretty awesome with a wiked cheeky grin that just melts your heart, we are giving him lots of floor time coz Marlie doesnt really go near him unless to give him a kiss and is very careful around him when she is near him, we are lucky we have 2 loungerooms and she tends to play in the one we arent in lol 

I shall leave you with some piccies of the kids from yesterday!

       

...Marlie in the pool..                                                                                           ...Logan chillin inside.....

a 2006-2010 wrap up... sorta lol

"Ramblings of IVF Fingerling" was originally created as a diary for me while i went on my journey with IVF, We had been ttc #1 since sept 2005, this blog was originally a written memoir of my stupid thoughts whilst going thru the motions of IVF.. so far this is what we have done::


TTC since SEPT 2005

Laporoscopy & Hyst: Oct 05, Feb 06, Oct 06, Feb 07, Dec 07, Feb 09

** All found severe endo (stage 4), webbing, adhesions, cysts etc**

IVF #1 - Cancelled ~ Not enough Follies

IVF #2 - Fresh Transfer - "Emby" BFP - MC 5w , 3 frozen snow babys

FET #1 - "Emby V 2.0" 15/11/07 -BFN

FET #2 - "Hercules" 15/2/08 - BFP edd 5/11/08..
Our precious little girl Marlie Louise arrived on the 16/10/08 at 5.54pm by Emergency Ceaser due to me suffering from severe Pre Eclampsia at 37w1d, 7 pound, 47.5cm perfect in everyway, I had spent the few weeks before her arrival in and out of hospital and then spent 3 days in coronary care after her birth, I was one sick mumma! But it was all worth it and I couldnt wait to do it all again!!  

June 08 - "Goliath" FET#4 - BFN

August 08- IVF#3 - NO RESPONCE - Cancelled cycle

October 08- IVF #4 - Only 1 single follie, 1 embryo -"Nemo" multinucleated - no transfer


I was basically told I was in early menopause along with my stage 4 endo and that i needed to take a break to let my system rest.. personally i think it was the fact they did a down regulation cycle with me... the pill completely fucks with my system... anyway so yeh we made the descion there will basically be no more IVF for us, with the price hike, the lack of medicare rebate and my failure to respond in past treatments ( I was on the highest dose available and responded worse then a 40 yr old!) it seemed like a lost cause, so we got on with our life and though well we will just enjoy our time with Marlie and get on with life as a family of 3 :D

Enjoy the ride...

Or so we thought...

I started taking a natural herb called Vitex.. we had tried it before when we were trying for Marlie and it got us no where but thought what the hell a $17 bottle of herbs is worth a shot.. beats over 6k per cycle we were paying in IVF fees... so new years day i walk into the bedroom with a positive ovulation test... ;P

JAN 13th 2010 I take a test, i had been feeling queasy and not myself.. I thought oh its probly just the lingering effects from the copious amounts of alcohol from my cousins joint birthday a few days before... well

OMG 2 LINES!!

IM PREGNANT!!

NATURALLY!
NO IVF
NO FERTILITY DRUGS
IN TOTAL SHOCK!!!!


Our Little Boy, Logan William was due the 22nd of September 2010, He arrived by what in the end is termed "elective cesarean" at 38w gestation, My pregnancy with him was pretty cruisy we had a few hiccups along the way and my blood pressure was well on its way up,  I was trying for vbac but after it was discussed with my doctor at 29w when I had severe pains from old scar tissue ripping apart the risks of ruptured uterus from all the previous surgerys and ceaser it scared the crap out of me, and well when my BP went up at 34 weeks so it was just not gonna happen unless i stayed home and birthed like many of my friends at home, but my husband wouldnt have a bar of it and i was too scared to do that too lol so anyway my little dude arrived screaming earthside on the 8/9/10 at 8.31am, 7 pound 8 and 50cm long :D 


So with this I have become that friend that everyone says they know.. you know the one.. the one who took years and IVF to conceive there first and then bam falls naturally without much drama... the urban legend.... 

So 2011 will be filled hopefully with more vigilant blogging by me! 2010 has been a bit slack especially since Logans arrival but i will endevour to post more!!

Justify

Once there was a time when we could learn
all the simple pleasantries a follower should yearn
now all that I can do is watch them burn
and wish that I could save them all, or just one

See the Fake, everyday shaking hands of men, promising the end.
Hear Him Speak of all the things that we need to hear, to adhere

Justify, your secrecies that surmise your cries
I see the way you look around the bend
is it going to end, when?

well not quite

Well its not quite christmas and well it definately isnt cold here but i like the blue christmas theme kit i found recently so heres a new header for the season..  until i can find a aussie themed one hehe
not alot happening i have spent most of the day today sewing and on the phone to telstra.. dont even get me started on that bunch of idiots.. grrrr i hate them
Logan is almost 3 months and is cutting teeth already he is continually drooling all over the place so team up teething and the 12 week growth spurt = no sleep for mumma! i will live though, thats what its all about isnt it? sacrifice :) i woudl give or do anythin for my bubbaloo's.
Marlie is 25 months and is such a little grown up, its amazing how much she has grwon up since Logie came along, she loves her brother to pieces and is always kissing him and sometimes is a little too loving.. almost squishing him with giant bear hugs haha

Ta-DA!

I gots new hair!! ok well its the same hair just cut it all off lol  After uming and aring about it for the last month or so i finally made the decision to get rid of it and I LOVE IT!! I should of done it ages ago but was thinking along the oh can i be bothered with the styling side of it with the 2 young kiddos and well im just gonna have to now or ill look like a 80's throw back with a rooster cut haha

and then...

well jenjen said my last layout wasnt very "me" so ive made up a purple/pink themed one...
has all my favorite people in it and even a booby pic hahaha.. oh im such a rebel lol

Ok this is all over the place...

Well i haven't blogged properly in a very long time, I use to use this blog as a journal to my time while i underwent my ivf treatment for Marlies conception and somewhere along the line i lost interest and only blog photos and well not much else, how boring for those of you reading if anyone still is that is... lifes been what i wouldn't call easy but pretty smooth since Logan's arrival, im just goin thru the motions really, its the same thing everyday with the odd trip out and about or to visit friends and family, Marlie is now 2 and such a beautiful little soul shes so loving of her brother always gives him kisses and wants to hug him, although she is the queen of throwing tantrums if she doesnt get her own way lol! terrible 2's are well n truly in this household.. she has really taken to wanting to play outside so we got her a trampoline for her birthday (which she got early hehe) and her grandparents got her a swingset for Christmas last year which we set up just before her second birthday as she was way to young to use it at 14 months old lol, Our yard is almost finished, the shed mike wanted is now built and all wired up its freaking 6x7meters and takes up half the yard which is great really as the yard was just wasted space before that got overrun with weeds and looked like shit, so were much more happy with it the way it is now, Logan is 7 weeks old and just started smiling last week but its a daily occurrence now and he makes the cutest little coo's and gah's just one little grin from him and i get an instant smile, makes it all worth while to see him smile. I think were doing the right thing with him, in that Marlie is still our main focus and he fits in around us, i think that is why she hasnt gone feral and we haven't seen one ounce of jealousy from her yet, the only time she gets annoyed is when she wants me to come play with her and im feeding him, which is only something obviously that i can do as there is no bottles in this house for him :D human milk for human babies i always say.

Im not as tired as i thought i would be, In the beginning i was drained but that was more because i was recovering from the ceasarian and had a 2 hourly feeding baby and a toddler who was waking up for a drink as well! things are gettin easier, i havent felt overwhelmed while ive been at home but leaving the house is a whole other ball game, the first MCHN visit i ended up in tears while i was there, today i went shopping with both of them just up to the local woolworths and hey we managed ok! the other day we met friends at the park and again we survived, i dont like attending big things in open spaces with big crowds, they just make me anxious and are so not worth the stress they cause me so i;ve decided to stay the hell away from these type of events, marlie isnt going to remember at 2 yrs old what activitys we did and feel like shes missed out on anything, as long as we are having fun thats the main thing and well we have much more fun at home or at little parks with friends or at playcenters, where i can relax, at the big things i just end up stressing and leaving anyway, marlie just wants to explore and play and has no interest in the activitys so when shes older we will go.

hmmm what else is there meh cant be bothered anymore.. signing off :D

Cheeky boy

I love his smiles, makes it all worth it, hes such a good boy, only wakes twice during the night now goes down at 8.30 then up at around 1-2 then is up again at 5-6 for a feed and back down till 8.30 the only thing i wish he wouldnt whinge so much when he's put down, but hey hes a baby and well who wouldnt want to hold this gorgeous lil man