Well

Don't let them get too close -

Too close to see my pain.

Because if they look real close,

They will see the tears that fall like rain.

The room is picked,And baby's things collected.

But, inside that empty room,

Something needs to becorrected.

Because there's a crib and a cradle -

There are baby toys and clothes too.

But, there is not a baby -No baby to fill this womb.

I cannot stop the crying,And my pain won't subside.

I'm lost for ways of trying;I've run out of places to hide.

The holidays they come and go -

All the years that I look back

.And now I find the future's grim

When I look at what I lack.

I try to hang onto hope - I try to wait and see.

But sometimes it's hard to cope

When I think it may never be.

I'm not the only one that finds it hard -

Sometimes I wish I were.

But, it's the hurt I see in his eyes

That digs in like a spur.

So tell me where to go from here -

Please tell me where to go.

Things just seem so unclear,

And it has challenged all I know.

It has tested and confused me.

It has brought me to my knees.

And now it's too hard to see

Just what you need from me.

Is it something I am doing wrong?

Is there something I can do?

You see, I've been waiting for so long,

And I've been crying out to you.

Please don't let this be a barren place-

In this place where my child should be.

Let me see your loving grace.

Please bring my child to me.

Rock-a-bye baby... I hold you so dear.

Even if it's only in my heart

That I'm holding you near

WEll well well where do i start.. i had the worst day at my mums for my side of the familys christmas celebrations, i was faced with my 3 neices and nephews and also my 2 cousins "oh we dont know how it happened children" both born in the time i have been trying for my first.. i held their new baby born in october and promptly gave him straight back and went n hid in the bathroom and cried my eyes out.. mike came in and gave me a big hug so i then promptly dried my eyes and thought %^$# this, .. so i buried myself in bacardi and christmas punch.. only for my nan to come up to me and say "now eb i dont mean to be rude but SHOULD you be drinking that".. at this stage i was ready to just slap her.. so i replied " i suggest you be quiet and dont continue this conversation".. so nan cracked it and yelled at my pa.. poor pa he didnt do anything! .. so i then had to make a joke out of it and apologise to my nan and then i drank more.. . all mikes famnilty this year were surprisingly good, at his omis no problem.. at his mums i only got from mikes grandfather.. so whats happening... pointing at my gut.. i said nothing were on a break, to that i got back well hurry up will you, so i s
said well its out of our hands and i promptly cracked the shits AGAIN.. seeing a trend here... so basically it was a baby filled crap fest,
well on the whole baby thing, nothing is happening i decided not to take provera./. talk about grasping at straws, just been using opks and sexin at the right time so will wait it out n see.. AF is due new years eve aigh what a way to bring in the new year.. bah