Make Beleive

Until today if someone asked me what make believe was I would have told them its a game young children play to amuse themselves. Its a thing that we do when we are young. When we grow up that part of our lives is gone as well. However thinking about the subject today I realized it is not. I make believe everyday that there is hope in a hopeless situation. I try forcing myself to believe that everything is just a wash nothing really is needed that I have let go of, pushed away or was taken away. I make believe that I really did not need these things in my life. It is the only way I know how to make sense of senseless things. To tell myself they arent needed. I am sorry to those of you who read my ramblings. I know I dont need a lot of things but its that fear of never having that really bothers me. It is that fear of living like this forever. Many of you say things like Mike n me will be fine....yes we will be fine...I know that. I am just tired of being fine. I am not as a matter of fact fine..nothing I am feeling is fine....nothing from my point of view at this given time is fine..... We have the best most awesome family any one person could ever in a million years ask for. We are blessed to be where we are right now we are fortunate to have the things we have. Many other people don't even have that. I get and understand that fact and I am thankful for that everyday. Thankful that the people who mean the most to me are so willing to give of themselves and help me and Mike anytime we need it. Thank you