Day 61

Ok well i rang the clinic as i hadnt heard from them, I am to start down regulation for our second cycle on saturday so that means yep.. back on the pill for a month then all over again.. yeh more headaches, pains and weight gain.. and the depression i'm trying to be strong but everything is just getting to me, i feel numb..however on a brighter note i got myself a new job, just working in a busy cafe, I started monday and i'm really enjoying it, have my second shift tommorrow :)

Umm

Ok so 4 days after having my cycle cancelled i get AF.. i dont fuckin get it, i'm meant to have 2 weeks.. the egg was meant to be released as per normal like a normal cycle.. well wtf is going on! i rang the clinic yesterday when it started and she is getting back to me as to what to do next!! She said it was strange and shouldnt be happening but everyone is different.. so i'm just waiting waiting waiting..

Day 56

I just got home from the city and it turns out my 6 follicles have not even grown a single mm.. the only thing that has grown is a 6-7cm cyst on my left ovary so my most dreaded thought has happened.. they have cancelled my cycle, so i am waiting for the clinic to call me to tell me what to do next, when i was having the scan the lady said my endometrium was a good size but then started shaking her head as she was measuring the follicles, and goes to me well its not good news, they havent grown at all, so i said ok so more injections then and she said most likely they will cancel my cycle.. shattered my heart dropped and she goes right i'll write this up for you and that was it i was given the gesture to leave so i walked outta there got my paperwork went to the clinic and the nurse was nice enough just told me they have to double check with Dr Tsaltas with by the looks of this the cycle is over, i havent had my injection yet just my nose spray as instructed..and here we go waiting again.. she said they will call me before 12.. the ultrasound lady was worried about the cyst because of its size, my endo is also everywhere so the gonal basically just fed my endo and the cyst nothing left for the folicles i spose.. i've already got the oh well next cycle then, dont worry it will happen.. all the things u dont wanna hear and i'm just over this whole thing, i dont think i will go back n start a new cycle straight away, might have a few months off n try n loose some weight n see how that goes, with my endo everytwhere i doubt i will conceive naturally so yeh i will just put it in the back of my mind ( yeh right who ami kidding) n try to get on with it..

Day 54

Well i hd my scan today and yep i was right.. 4 follicles on the left (20,11,10,9) and 2 on the right (9,7) only 1 big enough so they are uping my gonal from 150 to 187.5 for the next 2 days and re-scan on day 56... fingers crossed they get bigger

Day 53

well i've been having a real shit time with these injections, the needle themselves is ok, its the side effects i get.. my lower back is constantly hurting.. i though i had pulled it or something but i spoke to my nurse this morning and no she said it would be my endo and the fact that my ovaries will be mega swollen..hence the reason i now look 5 months pregnant and have gained over a kilo of fluid.. mmm nice hey, beside that i get massive headaches that last for hours, i have found that a heatpack from the chemist..the ones u stick to your clothes, cost me $3 each and there worth every cent they have been working and helping a bit with the lower back pain, i also get shooting pains that come n go thru the day more so on my left side so i'm guessin there is more follicles on that side, trying to get comfortable is a nightmare i toss n turn and cant sleep properly, i'm just really over it, my scan is tomorrow morning in the city and mike can now take me as he has no work on..which sems to be a common occurence, hes only doing 3 out of 5 days now.. ot a good time to slow down with work, its that time of year though, but it would be nice if he didt wanna sit on his ass and play pc games...he could help out around the house or he could be cutting down the front tree like i asked him to do 3 months ago.. or whipper snipping the back lawn..(it growns in tufts lol not worth mowing) ahhh the joys of hormones i'm fine one second and then pissed off and angry the next.. i cant win, mikes trying to be supportive he just dont get it, he doesnt yell at me when i chuck a pink fit just looks at me and i realise how silly i'm being which is good that i can at least recognise my hormonal issues lol anyway my back is hurting and i have to go get some more heat packs so cheerio for now x0x

Day 46-48

Ok so i forgot to blog on here lol..
Day 46: i had my scan at 10am everything was nice and quiet and my endo it seems was barely there!! yay!! So i Jo ( my nurse) gave me my first injection and sent me on my way with my box of goodies.. i got 2 gonal pens and a sharps box and the crenone for after the transfer and also the hcg trigger shot for when my eggies are ready to be harvested..
Day 47: i got up and got my needle pen.. i put the needle on the end .. rubbed my leg witht he alcohol swab ready to have the injection.. grabbed my leg ready to stick it in hesitated then thought to myself stop bein a baby and jabbed it in lol.. that day i got a really bad headspin when i stood up from getting the washing out of the dryer..
Day 48: Had my needle this morning and my nose spray.. oh yeh i have to have my nose spray right up until the OPU.. i've been gettin cramps on my right side today and feeling a little bit off.. I went for "chockie" with Jo this morning at Max Brenner i love our chats keeps us both sane i think!! sop now i'm home n just bummin around and yeh off i go x0x

Day 42

well i just finished watching the tears and hope video Jo posted.. am sitting here in tears and i'm just so physically upset by it.. u know how u just feel like a lead weight and then u loose everything in you and just bawl ur eyes out.. well thats me right now

I"ve been havina crap time over the last week with the spray i am getting the worst hot flushes my face is on fire and i have low cramping like af pain its nothign to be concerned about but i dunnno i just feel like i have only a few more days and i'm on injections but its just taking to long i'm sick of waiting waiting and more fucking waiting my aunty told me to be patient earlier and i told her i'm really sick of hearing that she apologised straight away but the damage was doen then i watched that movie and thats it i'm done for the night i'm ready to curl up and go to bed..

another thing which is really bothering me is the lack of "BD" its seems that since we dont have to have sex and more we no longer are.. the last 2 times i have had to initiate everything.. i even put sexy lingereie and i showed him and his responce was "yeh so what i've seen it before.." nothing happened that night so i eventually just jumped him monday night before that it was 2 weeks.. going from bd every single day or second day to this drought has annoyed me.. not coz im a hornbag and HAVE to have it or something but i'm just so darn use to it and now nothing... its just wierd wow ur probly gettin really bored of me complaining about my sex life lol oh and heads up girls if u ever have to have the spray..to put it ever so nicely you will be dryer then a nuns tit downstairs nothing will happen there lol so invest in some ky if ur hubby actually wants to come near you lol ok well now i'm babbling so i will sign off for today.. x0x.. p.s i havent proof read this so if its all over the place..sorry

Day 35

Ok so i'm going to swap my syranel over AGAIN today stupid frickin bottles there shit they wont deliver the right amount of spray i either get a little poof of it or a massive one!! ARGHHH
I rang the clinic and apparantly they have to change ur LMP to the day u start injections coz u need to have a 28 day cycle for medicare purposes.. bah bullshit they just wanna charge me the extra $$500.. so my 1700 cycle is now a 2450 cycle plus a 230 new patient admin fee... so its all good i have enough mooolah for it just annoying lol and i will only get about 1000 back from medicare.... hmmm this is just a really "dead" stage of like for me nothing is happening.. waiting waiting waiting
anyone reading this?? leave me a comment :)

Day 33

Mood: PISSED OFF


So she made plans to spend a few hours on sunday with me coz i've been sick and she wanted to see me ...we made these plans saturday night but no it came to 1.30 so i rang her to find out where she was... well she was at her brothers house packin shit into his garage..i'm told oops.. i said i have been waiting for you all day..to which she laughs and says no u havent..i said yeh i have and then she gives me the dont get shitty...well why would i... i'm just the fucken infertile pines rat who she wont come visit ..... the ones with kids she drops the earth for....well she drops me for them too... no i dont deserve her attention or time...i dont rely on her for help so therefore i can look after myself..why would i possibly need my mum in my hardest time in my life.. she has no fuckin clue...doesnt even ring up to see how i am... doesnt ask about ivf..like i'm a failure as a daughter coz i cant give her grandkids..so i dont deserve to be called or anything..hmmm... sore point.. yeh just a little...and when i say something i'm told to grow up...and stop being stupid...over it.. i give up why should i aways have to ring her and visit her