Well

Don't let them get too close -

Too close to see my pain.

Because if they look real close,

They will see the tears that fall like rain.

The room is picked,And baby's things collected.

But, inside that empty room,

Something needs to becorrected.

Because there's a crib and a cradle -

There are baby toys and clothes too.

But, there is not a baby -No baby to fill this womb.

I cannot stop the crying,And my pain won't subside.

I'm lost for ways of trying;I've run out of places to hide.

The holidays they come and go -

All the years that I look back

.And now I find the future's grim

When I look at what I lack.

I try to hang onto hope - I try to wait and see.

But sometimes it's hard to cope

When I think it may never be.

I'm not the only one that finds it hard -

Sometimes I wish I were.

But, it's the hurt I see in his eyes

That digs in like a spur.

So tell me where to go from here -

Please tell me where to go.

Things just seem so unclear,

And it has challenged all I know.

It has tested and confused me.

It has brought me to my knees.

And now it's too hard to see

Just what you need from me.

Is it something I am doing wrong?

Is there something I can do?

You see, I've been waiting for so long,

And I've been crying out to you.

Please don't let this be a barren place-

In this place where my child should be.

Let me see your loving grace.

Please bring my child to me.

Rock-a-bye baby... I hold you so dear.

Even if it's only in my heart

That I'm holding you near

WEll well well where do i start.. i had the worst day at my mums for my side of the familys christmas celebrations, i was faced with my 3 neices and nephews and also my 2 cousins "oh we dont know how it happened children" both born in the time i have been trying for my first.. i held their new baby born in october and promptly gave him straight back and went n hid in the bathroom and cried my eyes out.. mike came in and gave me a big hug so i then promptly dried my eyes and thought %^$# this, .. so i buried myself in bacardi and christmas punch.. only for my nan to come up to me and say "now eb i dont mean to be rude but SHOULD you be drinking that".. at this stage i was ready to just slap her.. so i replied " i suggest you be quiet and dont continue this conversation".. so nan cracked it and yelled at my pa.. poor pa he didnt do anything! .. so i then had to make a joke out of it and apologise to my nan and then i drank more.. . all mikes famnilty this year were surprisingly good, at his omis no problem.. at his mums i only got from mikes grandfather.. so whats happening... pointing at my gut.. i said nothing were on a break, to that i got back well hurry up will you, so i s
said well its out of our hands and i promptly cracked the shits AGAIN.. seeing a trend here... so basically it was a baby filled crap fest,
well on the whole baby thing, nothing is happening i decided not to take provera./. talk about grasping at straws, just been using opks and sexin at the right time so will wait it out n see.. AF is due new years eve aigh what a way to bring in the new year.. bah

Surgery Results

Well today was pretty succesful, i went to my surgeon/gyno today and he removed my stitches and went thru my surgery "results" per say, i saw the photos of all the webbing.. it was a fucking mess yet again.. i seen the drawing he had done before but to see the real photos in detail of my fucked up insides was a whole other experience.. it really shocked me, but he basically said to me to take provera up until i am ready to have another emby xfered to keep the endo from growing back.. but the only problem with that is it will stop me ovulating all together and make my lining super thin so any hope a natural conception would go flying out the window.. am i ready to do that?? if so i may as well just go back on the pill and be done with it... fucken so over all the decsions i have to make argh anyway thats whats happening as of now... still on a break till Feb so just play it by ear i spose.

ARGGGGGGGHhhhhh

ok well i'm back from hospital and feelin a little down n sorry for myself, i hate my body so much, no matter what i do i keep getting struck down by this disease, there is no cure there is nothin i can do to make it any better for myself except to have the surgerys all the friggen time... this one found a massive leaking cyst on my right ovary and a pelvis and cervix and uterus full of endo... in the last 24 months i have had 5 surgerys... what a fuckin joke.. its not fair, i cant even do the simplest thing that your every day woman can, i need medical intervention at every turn, oh you want to have a baby, here have this surgery, sniff these drugs, oh no wait here keep sniffing them then here inject yourself with this every day , go and have a scan... nah keep injectiong.. ok thats enough now go to the city and have another surgery and wait 2 days and see if you have any embryos... oh look you have 4 perfect ones, lets put 1 back.. yay congratulations your pregnant... actually no i'm sorry your miscarrying your levels arent rising they have dropped right off... ok start again... ok your period is taking too long to come back... just wait some more.. ok here piss on these every mornig... if you get 2 dark lines ring me... peeing peeing peeing.. wow look u ovulated thats great congratulations... lets put a embryo back... yay all going good... oh wait i'm bleeding 8 days after the transfer... GET FUCKED

SURGERY>>> AGAIN

OK well as a follow on to my last blog, it turns out i could of had another transfer but have chosen not too any way, it would mean if everything went to plan i would find out just 2-3 days before xmas, it could make or break it so instead i toddled off to see my trusty gyno, dr tom and he is doing another laporoscopy on monday! yes i saw him on wednesday and i'm booked in for monday, hows that for service woo hooo so Lap number 4 here i come... yay no more painful well just plain painfullness and hopefully i might be able to enjoy BD with my hubby from now on hehe

Cycle over

Well this cycle has come to a crashing end... a week early too... had spotting last night only a few wipes paniced and thought af was here but a friend said it could of been implantation.. being day 7 after transfer and all so i thought about it and yeh maked perfect sense to me... but well it wasnt AF is here with a vengeance with shocking cramps and i feel sick as.. so looks like nothing will be happening till next year now i'm gutted so much has been happening in my life right now i dont think i can cope with this and everything else so i'm gonna go on a break till late january from any treatment... well so i say now hey i will just have to ride it out i spose ok well i'm off

Hmmm

Well i am now 4 days after my transfer.. sigh it goes so slow i just want this to hurry up so i can get on with my life one way or the other.. either i'm pregnant or i'm not.. if i am fantastic but i have a back up plan if i'm not preg then i will be hittin the gym big time already in in those 2 weeks leadong up to my transfer i managed to get 3.5 kilos off and i can actually notice the difference yay!! so if im not i wanna get off a futher 10 or so kilos before going back in for another transfer... get my body up and being healthier for future transfers... sigh i'm talking like this one has no chance at all.. oh wel 10 days left till my blood test.. just gotta wait it out..

8 cells woot wooo

Hey everyone.. had my beautiful 8 cell emby transfered straight in so excited when they bought it up for the visual check of my name etc and to see the emby before it was transfered i got the shock of my life as i'm sittin there baring all to the world i went omg that got a few more calls then the other one haha my fs laughed and said yeh coz its a day older then your last one hehe...My FS said that my chances of conceiving from this one are really really good basically double that of the last one, in his words "were almost there" It was good i was a little sad that mike wasnt there and now i didnt even get a pic but hopefully i'll get to the ultrasound and then yeh yay!!
oh my fs said because i cant remember the exact words.. but basically said my girly bits were all easy to access and where they should be .. i'll have a much higher chance as the transfer is less invasive and no corners to go around etc and i didnt bleed from it so yeh things should be all good this time

FET

My little snow baby is being put back in on the 15th i promise i will update this!!

I"m baaackkkk

Well i'm back.. i got all wrapped up in the last cycle and forgot to blog here as i was doing alot on other sites... here is the rundown of my feelings from the past blogs about my last stim cycle

07 Sep 2007

And here we go
Current mood: apathetic

Well alot has been happening in my world lately.. well ok not that much, I have strarted IVF cycle 2 and i'm just pluggin along spraying crap up my nose twice a day puttin up witht eh blood noses and moody bitch moods.. ok well mike is putting up with them and just hoping that it will all be worth it and make it to epu this time.. the last cycle really threw me alot harder then i ever thought it would, but i got on with it, its what u have to do, life goes on.. so what it didnt work.. pick up ur shit and move on, lifes to short to cry over things that are out of your control, yeh sounds good huh now i just gotta remember that heh So i'm now half way thru my cycle looking at starting stim injections on the 14th if my stupid ass body reacts properly and is ready for it! On a more positive note i went out last night for the first time in ages and i really enjoyed myself,, didnt go for long but it was worth every minute i think even mike had some sort of fun, were goin out again tonight too headin to playhouse which we havent been for aaaaaaaaaaaages.
Well i'll leave it there


14 Sep 2007

Injecting.. Current mood: excited


I start injections tomorrow yay bring on the follies!! 1 more week and i'll be in the city finding out how many eggies my ovarys have made and then hopefully the 24th i will have them all harvested and fertalised and 1 put back on the 26th and by mid october get my positive test yay.. yes positive thinking yay

** Side note**
Started stimming on 225 gonal f - was uped to 300 when nothing was happening..

02 Oct 2007
Emby on Board


There is my perfect 4 cell embryo all nicely now tucked up inside me..
And guess what else.. we have 3 more just like it on ice!!
We had a perfect fertalisation of the 5 eggs 1 was immature so it was discarded, the other 4 were nice and mature so into the fertalisation process they went and all 4 of them turned into perfect 4 cell embys!!!The nurse and FS were all shocked at the great outcome because apparantly its really rare for this to happen!!
100% success!! I cant beleive i have one in me now and in 2 weeks i could get some awesome news!! We are just over the moon and i had to share with everyone my good news and pic

17 Oct 2007

And Now theres nothing

Well my IVF was going great, after some light spotting i rang my FS who srent me straight for a bloodtest.. so basically i was told on saturday i was pregnant.. had to have a follow up blood test on monday to check levels were rising and well that one confirmed my worst fears, and my hcg had dropped down from 77 to 13, so i am miscarrying my little one, My nurse said it is fantastic that i got this far and should be proud of myself for overcoming everything i had against me to get implantation is great, i feel so guilty, and so mad, and every other feeling its so horrible, no one should have to go thru this in the space of 2 days i have gone from being absolutely ecstatic to being lost.. i'm not really understanding my emotions, as bad as this is going to sound i feel like i have had a lead weight off my shoulders, i finally know what is/has happened and its a great relief, yesterday i was a blithering mess and wiped myself out from crying and alcohol, i woke up this morning to a new day, and i refuse to let myself fall to pieces any longer, I cant change what has happened and i just have to accept that this little emby didnt make it, but i have 3 more chances and hope to whatevers out there that one of them will make it and i will hold them in my arms eventually. I have made the descion to take a month or two off, let my body have a rest i have had that much hormone thru my body since june i need to have this break, to cleanse my body and i am joining weight watchers on thursday night, time to stop sitting on my a$$ letting the weight stack on and being depressed over it, action needs to be taken so action will be, no more excuses, i hope to by getting that extra 10 or so kilos off that i have allowed to stack on this year, my little embys will have a better chance and i will be a healthier being to carry them in.

C2 - Day 10

Well i have started the syranel and yesterday spent about 3 hours in tears, being fathers day, along with 4 hours on the car and then gettin home i was just over it, i literally walked in the door had a shower and cried and cried and cried must of needed it, the spray is makin me feel like crap emotionally and i had cramping on the first day being day 7.. not much else happening.. just waiting takin it day by day

YAY New Cycle started

OK well i'm back on the pill after being messed around with what is actually going to happen from going on provera to just totally missing a bleed all toghether, so yep no big bleed between these cycles all test came back BFN bloods to and my progesterone was really low so i was either going to get a bleed in the day following the blood tests or i hadnt ovulated which it looks like i havent ov so DR Jim decided to just put me straight back on the pill and yeh now i just gotta go thru the waiting and well wait for my next stage.. ahh the lovely syranel iiiICkkk

Waiting..

Ok its been awhile since entrys but heres me up until now.. Well AF did not arrive as i last stated it was mearly spotting, which then continued on days 9 &10 after stopping the injetions, I have been all over the place lately thinking that i could of gotten preg naturally but i rang the clinic yesterday and they told me that they doubt i had any mature follicles there as the 20mm one was the one that grew into the cyst or something i wasnt reall listening after that, i was also told if AF doesnt come this week then i should ring the clinic and they will intervene and hopefully bring it on for me, if i dont get a bfp that is of course, mike said to mwe earlier he had a dream that i am preg now and i have to go and buy a preg test that has blue lines as he beleivs they hold the key haha what a dork, it was quite sweet really so i will humor him and go find one that has blue lines instead of the pink ones like i already have here.. anyone know a brand that has blue?? ok i'm off x0x

Day 61

Ok well i rang the clinic as i hadnt heard from them, I am to start down regulation for our second cycle on saturday so that means yep.. back on the pill for a month then all over again.. yeh more headaches, pains and weight gain.. and the depression i'm trying to be strong but everything is just getting to me, i feel numb..however on a brighter note i got myself a new job, just working in a busy cafe, I started monday and i'm really enjoying it, have my second shift tommorrow :)

Umm

Ok so 4 days after having my cycle cancelled i get AF.. i dont fuckin get it, i'm meant to have 2 weeks.. the egg was meant to be released as per normal like a normal cycle.. well wtf is going on! i rang the clinic yesterday when it started and she is getting back to me as to what to do next!! She said it was strange and shouldnt be happening but everyone is different.. so i'm just waiting waiting waiting..

Day 56

I just got home from the city and it turns out my 6 follicles have not even grown a single mm.. the only thing that has grown is a 6-7cm cyst on my left ovary so my most dreaded thought has happened.. they have cancelled my cycle, so i am waiting for the clinic to call me to tell me what to do next, when i was having the scan the lady said my endometrium was a good size but then started shaking her head as she was measuring the follicles, and goes to me well its not good news, they havent grown at all, so i said ok so more injections then and she said most likely they will cancel my cycle.. shattered my heart dropped and she goes right i'll write this up for you and that was it i was given the gesture to leave so i walked outta there got my paperwork went to the clinic and the nurse was nice enough just told me they have to double check with Dr Tsaltas with by the looks of this the cycle is over, i havent had my injection yet just my nose spray as instructed..and here we go waiting again.. she said they will call me before 12.. the ultrasound lady was worried about the cyst because of its size, my endo is also everywhere so the gonal basically just fed my endo and the cyst nothing left for the folicles i spose.. i've already got the oh well next cycle then, dont worry it will happen.. all the things u dont wanna hear and i'm just over this whole thing, i dont think i will go back n start a new cycle straight away, might have a few months off n try n loose some weight n see how that goes, with my endo everytwhere i doubt i will conceive naturally so yeh i will just put it in the back of my mind ( yeh right who ami kidding) n try to get on with it..

Day 54

Well i hd my scan today and yep i was right.. 4 follicles on the left (20,11,10,9) and 2 on the right (9,7) only 1 big enough so they are uping my gonal from 150 to 187.5 for the next 2 days and re-scan on day 56... fingers crossed they get bigger

Day 53

well i've been having a real shit time with these injections, the needle themselves is ok, its the side effects i get.. my lower back is constantly hurting.. i though i had pulled it or something but i spoke to my nurse this morning and no she said it would be my endo and the fact that my ovaries will be mega swollen..hence the reason i now look 5 months pregnant and have gained over a kilo of fluid.. mmm nice hey, beside that i get massive headaches that last for hours, i have found that a heatpack from the chemist..the ones u stick to your clothes, cost me $3 each and there worth every cent they have been working and helping a bit with the lower back pain, i also get shooting pains that come n go thru the day more so on my left side so i'm guessin there is more follicles on that side, trying to get comfortable is a nightmare i toss n turn and cant sleep properly, i'm just really over it, my scan is tomorrow morning in the city and mike can now take me as he has no work on..which sems to be a common occurence, hes only doing 3 out of 5 days now.. ot a good time to slow down with work, its that time of year though, but it would be nice if he didt wanna sit on his ass and play pc games...he could help out around the house or he could be cutting down the front tree like i asked him to do 3 months ago.. or whipper snipping the back lawn..(it growns in tufts lol not worth mowing) ahhh the joys of hormones i'm fine one second and then pissed off and angry the next.. i cant win, mikes trying to be supportive he just dont get it, he doesnt yell at me when i chuck a pink fit just looks at me and i realise how silly i'm being which is good that i can at least recognise my hormonal issues lol anyway my back is hurting and i have to go get some more heat packs so cheerio for now x0x

Day 46-48

Ok so i forgot to blog on here lol..
Day 46: i had my scan at 10am everything was nice and quiet and my endo it seems was barely there!! yay!! So i Jo ( my nurse) gave me my first injection and sent me on my way with my box of goodies.. i got 2 gonal pens and a sharps box and the crenone for after the transfer and also the hcg trigger shot for when my eggies are ready to be harvested..
Day 47: i got up and got my needle pen.. i put the needle on the end .. rubbed my leg witht he alcohol swab ready to have the injection.. grabbed my leg ready to stick it in hesitated then thought to myself stop bein a baby and jabbed it in lol.. that day i got a really bad headspin when i stood up from getting the washing out of the dryer..
Day 48: Had my needle this morning and my nose spray.. oh yeh i have to have my nose spray right up until the OPU.. i've been gettin cramps on my right side today and feeling a little bit off.. I went for "chockie" with Jo this morning at Max Brenner i love our chats keeps us both sane i think!! sop now i'm home n just bummin around and yeh off i go x0x

Day 42

well i just finished watching the tears and hope video Jo posted.. am sitting here in tears and i'm just so physically upset by it.. u know how u just feel like a lead weight and then u loose everything in you and just bawl ur eyes out.. well thats me right now

I"ve been havina crap time over the last week with the spray i am getting the worst hot flushes my face is on fire and i have low cramping like af pain its nothign to be concerned about but i dunnno i just feel like i have only a few more days and i'm on injections but its just taking to long i'm sick of waiting waiting and more fucking waiting my aunty told me to be patient earlier and i told her i'm really sick of hearing that she apologised straight away but the damage was doen then i watched that movie and thats it i'm done for the night i'm ready to curl up and go to bed..

another thing which is really bothering me is the lack of "BD" its seems that since we dont have to have sex and more we no longer are.. the last 2 times i have had to initiate everything.. i even put sexy lingereie and i showed him and his responce was "yeh so what i've seen it before.." nothing happened that night so i eventually just jumped him monday night before that it was 2 weeks.. going from bd every single day or second day to this drought has annoyed me.. not coz im a hornbag and HAVE to have it or something but i'm just so darn use to it and now nothing... its just wierd wow ur probly gettin really bored of me complaining about my sex life lol oh and heads up girls if u ever have to have the spray..to put it ever so nicely you will be dryer then a nuns tit downstairs nothing will happen there lol so invest in some ky if ur hubby actually wants to come near you lol ok well now i'm babbling so i will sign off for today.. x0x.. p.s i havent proof read this so if its all over the place..sorry

Day 35

Ok so i'm going to swap my syranel over AGAIN today stupid frickin bottles there shit they wont deliver the right amount of spray i either get a little poof of it or a massive one!! ARGHHH
I rang the clinic and apparantly they have to change ur LMP to the day u start injections coz u need to have a 28 day cycle for medicare purposes.. bah bullshit they just wanna charge me the extra $$500.. so my 1700 cycle is now a 2450 cycle plus a 230 new patient admin fee... so its all good i have enough mooolah for it just annoying lol and i will only get about 1000 back from medicare.... hmmm this is just a really "dead" stage of like for me nothing is happening.. waiting waiting waiting
anyone reading this?? leave me a comment :)

Day 33

Mood: PISSED OFF


So she made plans to spend a few hours on sunday with me coz i've been sick and she wanted to see me ...we made these plans saturday night but no it came to 1.30 so i rang her to find out where she was... well she was at her brothers house packin shit into his garage..i'm told oops.. i said i have been waiting for you all day..to which she laughs and says no u havent..i said yeh i have and then she gives me the dont get shitty...well why would i... i'm just the fucken infertile pines rat who she wont come visit ..... the ones with kids she drops the earth for....well she drops me for them too... no i dont deserve her attention or time...i dont rely on her for help so therefore i can look after myself..why would i possibly need my mum in my hardest time in my life.. she has no fuckin clue...doesnt even ring up to see how i am... doesnt ask about ivf..like i'm a failure as a daughter coz i cant give her grandkids..so i dont deserve to be called or anything..hmmm... sore point.. yeh just a little...and when i say something i'm told to grow up...and stop being stupid...over it.. i give up why should i aways have to ring her and visit her

Day 29..Again

Ok so i thought to myself well i may as well take my mind of things so i started painting my bathroom.. yess AGAIn i know i know i cant help it lol i really love painting my house yes i'm a wierdo and as i was just standing up on the side of the bathtub what readred her head.. well it was no other then AF! So yay lucky us we beat the price rise!! woot woot!!

Day 29

OK so i was concerned about my syranel.. it wasnt pumping right, like only half the time it would actually pump the full amount of spray out so i rang the clinic, and straight away Jo ( my nurse) said to swap it over at the chemist, so hopefully now that i have swapped it it will work properly, but the chemist warned me it was from the same batch but hopefully wont have the same issues, my nose bleeds have stopped!! yay i only get the occasional small hint of blood if i blow my nose, another good thing is i am booked in for my first scan on the 16th at 10am :) then the day after that i will start injections provided everything is quiet and then another scan a week after that n then fingers crossed go on for my egg pick up!! yay it feels like there is something happening again :)
oh also she was surprised that i havent had a bleed yet as i stopped the pill on tuesday but i do have lower back cramps so fingers crossed i will beat the 1st of july so i dont get the price rise!!

Day 21

Well its been a long time since updates.. I was made redundant from my job so i've been trying to get my head around that and sort out what i'm doin in life as such and its been a bit of a shock like i dont think it has as sunk in still, i feel like i'm on holidays but i know i have no job to go back to..wierd..anyway .. I started syranel on day 18... since then i have had headaches and nose bleeds, i rang the clinic to find out what should i do about the nose bleeds..she pointed out the obvious..change nostrils lol so i have and so far so good, i also start to feel sick nightly around 5ish onwards and just wanna sleep but i cant.. i have my second "hit" of syranel at 9pm and afterwards i'm wide awake, plus i've got a slight cold/flu coming on so last night i took a night time cold and flu tablet and it knocked me out! thank god i got some sleep!! so i've been feelin prety alright today just really gotta do what i can and just take it day by day really.. i'm really bored at home, yet i dont want to go out, i think this is like some sort of depression, i dont wanna do anything, see anyone or even talk about ivf anymore, its just becoming too much, i'm not on the net as much as i use to and i cant be bothered doin anything, i have cleaned my house so that there is nothing left to do, i plan on painting the back rooms next week, but i have no pressure or time frame to do it in, i work best under pressure and now there is none.. i dont get it..maybe i'm not coping with this all.. bah anyway i'm off

Day 12

Mood: wierd..

Sorry for the delay between days girls..

I've been slack i know.. lol well nothing much is happening on the ivf front just a big fat waiting game i hate it its driving me nutters i dont see why i couldn't just not take the pill grrRr other girls never had too.. oh well tough shit hey.. well I've had a good long weekend had my Aunty's birthday on Saturday night was a great night even hubby had a ball with my cousins, thankfully were all in the same age bracket, my little sister has decided to split with her man, they have decided they dont love each other anymore and are both being very grown up about the whole thing, this is gonna sound horrible but thankfully she is not pregnant again, i think the 3 mc's had alot to do with there bust up but it was a long time coming at the same time.. like it was the icing on the cake with his lack of support, always wanting to go out with his mats etc anyway on a more positive note its mine and mikes 1st wedding anniversary this weekend.. i know he has nothing planned so what should i either

A; guilt him into doing something
or
B: organise it myself and not be disappointed at doing nothing but be pissed off that i had to organise it coz hes lazy.... hmmmm

decisions decisions

Day 7

Morning everyone..
I have just got back to work from my appointment this morning, went really well she showed me how to do the needles etc and went thru in great detail the different drugs like syranel and side effects etc that i can expect from them such as breast tenderness, moodyness, bloating etc all the same things u get when u ur expecting af but heightened so god help michael hey!! i start the syranel on the 18/6 and take my last pill on the 8/7 i will be on syranel for a full 4 weeks and then start the injections provided the ultrasound i have on the 8/7 shows to be ok, will have the injections for 7 days and then another u/s hopefully if that u/so comes back all good i will have the hcg shot and then collection 2 days later then the eggs put back 2 days after that :)
so it wont be until end of july start of august that the eggs will be put back so there goes the March twins idea..

Day 6

i know its only early but today has started off really really shitty.. i get a text from mike this morning and he wants me to ring him with his invoice details coz he left them at home grrr that was at 7.15am grRr i have a sore throat and not in the mood for really anything.. remembered to take my pill n folic acid then went back to bed for a hour.. hmm well i turned on my electric blanket didnt i.. so i fell asleep the alarm went off and i thought i'll get up in a minute.. zzzz yeh right i woke back up at 9.10!! i had to be at work at 9.30.. SHIT!!! dressed the quickest i ever have and was 5 minutes from work and i get stuck on the freeway and springvale road grrrr so i end up gettin to work at 9.40 not to bad only 10 m inutes late i thought yeh this isnt to bad.. straight away get a nasty customer and i think to myself oh for f*c* sake! hmm so it is now 10.53 i have low cramps and i'm owrried about tommorrows appointment i know i shouldnt be worried but its sittin in the back of my mind and wont go away.. hmm well i will probaly update this blog later in the day.. i am really enjoying this blog site its helping me coz i can just write what i want i feel calmer after gettin it all ouot yay whooo sahhhh

ok so i rang the nurse.. funnily enough her name is Jo.. everyone lately i'm meeting is called Jo.. lol yes ur included in that too Jo how many times can i say JO.. blah anyway back to topic i rang her to find out if i need to bring any cash with me tomorrow or anything else like what i dont know but i thought i should just ask and she said nope just myself.. my cramping is getting worse it must be the pill or something.. i'm gonna have a look at the side effects.. oh and girls you can leave comments on here too if u like...i took the security off so now anyone can leave comments not just registered users :) :0)

Day 5

mood: excited..

Ok so its day 5 and i'm back on the BC pill... how wierd...
i have put the packet next to my bed along with my folic acid so i dont forget in the morning!! lets see how i go.. i did it for the last 5 years or so with out any problems so i spose i should remember it now..well i have to take it i cant forget it will muck everything up.. i'm all excited with everything that will be happening in the next couple of week but scared as well theres alot happening!! its really quite overwhelming ok well i have my first appointment with the nurse on thursday morning, she will teach me how to do the injections etc and whatever else they need to show me.. cant wait x0x0x